I stared at the tweet, dismayed but hardly surprised by Boris Johnson’s latest intentional gaffe.
At least it wasn’t about Brexit this time.
No, the Tousled Toff was talking about all the money and police resources he believed were being wasted on investigating old child sex abuse claims.
The money was actually being “spaffed up the wall” on these inquiries, he said, and “an awful lot of police time” was spent looking at “historic offences and all this malarkey”.
And I looked at the clip of Boris on the radio talk show actually saying it.
Not angry, more languidly fulminating. Like a hungover lord of the manor irritated with cook because his roast pheasant wasn’t crispy enough.
Bloody privilege and all the responsibility it brings upon a chap, eh?
Noblesse obliging one to cut through all that PC malarkey and tell it like it is.
Why wouldn’t a fellow be annoyed at all those Jumped-up Jean-Claudes and Moaning Marios telling True Brits what to do?
We just need more police … more tea, Vicar?
Tell them all to spaff off.
Sorry, Vicar, harr, harr!
Oh for the days when Britannia Rocked and Ruled.
When Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson was a lad.
And I thought of Peter Gabriel’s Solsbury Hill, when he was fretting over quitting Genesis (Gen-exit, anyone?), and the lines:
When illusion spin her net
I’m never where I want to be
And liberty, she pirouette
When I think that I am free
Boris and the Brexiteers spinning their illusions of a golden age that never was — except maybe for him and his Balliol pals in Oxford — and liberty pirouetting right off the cliff edge — and all, it seems, because of a tiff among the Tory party’s ruling elite.
David Cameron, cranky with Boris and the Euro skeptics — maybe his pheasant was a little too crispy — thought he’d call their bluff by calling a referendum on leaving this EU malarkey behind.
And promptly buggered off to North Kensington.
Eton bread is soon forgotten.
Camers left it to the minions, ie the people of the green and peasant lands of Britain and Europe, to clean up the Brexit mess.
Brexit. Brexit, Brexit … I’m just as confused and disillusioned as the next guy as I follow Theresa May and the never-ending real life episode of Deal or No Deal.
Games About Frontiers.
Hard Borders, No Borders, Back stops, No Stops …. we didn’t start the fire …
All those years of rapprochement and appeasement, no wars and building Europe now “spaffed up the wall”.
Spaffed up the wall.
How colourful. How crude, How Boris.
No thought for the people actually abused, or those affected, or just annoyed by his insensitivity and blunt pronouncings.
Made me think about what Billy Connolly said all those years ago about the way the upper crust and the ordinary man can get along so well; it was those social-climbing, middle-class wankers waving their Volvo keys that really got on his nerves.
Boris seems just like such an upper crust type, comfortable in his faux-eccentric skin, and it gives him a crumpled charisma, a licence to sound off and vacillate, to connive and to chide, and still get noticed and elected, as a hugely popular lord mayor of London and to sit at cabinet tables.
Foreign Secretary, for God’s sake, and still maybe PM one day.
And he’s paid enormous amounts of money to address conferences and bash out his Boris bombast in newspaper columns.
He might say awful things but at least he’s no stuffed shirt, or PC politician afraid to voice an opinion without running it by his army of spin doctors first.
And he has a sense of humour, unlike that noveau riche oik in the White House.
Here’s a thing: I could imagine what fun it might be to share a tipple with Boris, unlike other big name Leave merchants like the reedy Gove, the braying Farage or the lofty Reece-Mogg.
BJ seems to have mastered that brilliant illusion of seeming to be one of the people, when he is anything but.
I am left to wonder, though, is he actually dangerous … how influential has he been in the mess that Brexit has become?
Is he Machiavellian in his manipulative genius, or is he just a made man who got lucky?
But then, surely the people – and his readers, his party and his PM – have to take responsibility for the making of said Boris Johnson?
And maybe you and me too.
When all is said, he is elected, unlike opinion shapers like Piers Morgan
And a majority of the referendum electorate voted to leave Europe.
No clue how it was going to be done, and that seems to be still the case.
That’s just one of the things about democracy, it’s ultimately undemocratic.
Some people are just richer, smarter, more privileged, more connected, more lots of things than others.
And they are listened to, while the voices of many we would consider more worthy, more sensitive, more everything are ignored. Or easily dismissed.
Not like Boris.
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