Ah but is green still green in the dark?
Dog-tired and cranky as I turn into our estate.
Nearly home.
It is well after midnight and every step is a step closer to the bed I crave now, the one I am actually visualising, a mirage of warm oblivion.
Soon I will be falling slowly into that blessed rectangle of bedded bliss.
A kiss upon my soft tousled-headed A before I go down easy ….
And we can go down easy
Oh, my lover, we can go down easy
Oh, my darling, we can go down easy
Funny how you are so tired you are almost hallucinating and brain chooses this time to come at you all philosophical.
In the puny haze of the lone street light the patch of grass I am walking on now is darkly dark, and suddenly brain pipes up:
Is green still green in the dark?
Of course it’s green, I snark, grass is green …
But the more I stare at it the blacker it gets … it’s blackly green … hold on, says brain, look again … there is no green actually discernible.
It’s only green because I believe it is green.
I have faith.
You gotta have faith.
George Michael moment here:
You gotta have faith!
Actually, typical me, I haven’t a clue of the lyrics, just the chorus
Because I’ve got to have faith
I gotta have faith
I’ve got to, got to, got to have faith
Anybody who has read anything I write here might have at least suspected that religion or formal spiritual beliefs do not figure much in my life.
I am getting older so naturally, I guess, I do think more and more of death, and maybe how long I might have left … how much of my kids’ lives I can hope to see before I pop off this mortal coil.
But this isn’t the full story either.
No obvious religious convictions or tenets have revealed themselves to me, or light my existential darkness, but I still think those thoughts.
We all do.
You know, the usual: who made the world, what happens when you die … why did Hiroshima happen … why do we have fatal foetal abnormalities in the first place …
Logical, day-time me doesn’t have much truck with obvious constructions of all-seeing, ever-loving Gods … there’s too many random acts of destruction, death and a million acts of unkindness going unpunished for that.
But still …
There are these unfurnished thoughts that surround everyday reasoning and pert, swaggering logic.
Like brain still dabbles in conceptions around things happening in my life in some kind of explicable way … the stories of my life I tell myself.
As we all do, regardless of creed, class or constitution.
You know, the way when you tell a story, listen to a story, read a novel, or watch a movie and things seem predetermined, like clear-cut moments of carved out destiny in the telling, or even retelling.
Isn’t that what stories are?
A way of making sense of life.
Of my life. Your life.
Life.
Stories find patterns and shapes, and cut pathways in our meandering journey, establish outposts of reason and logic in the seemingly random accumulation of experiences.
Retrospectively.
Even the unpredictable seems predetermined when we tell it as a story.
Life has meaning.
Meaning what, exactly?
I don’t know … it’s faith in its own way, isn’t it?
The idea that, despite the evidence, or despite the lack of it, someone or something is shaping our stories.
Or is that fate?
Things happening outside our control … predetermined by a supernatural power of some sort …
Now brain can have fun with all this kind of stuff.
I remember, years ago, in the middle of a deeply serious lecture and discussion around Freud and his rejection of religious beliefs, I announced to the packed hall:
“I don’t care anyway, I’m going to be immortal till the day I die.”
It got a laugh, but it struck me later that it kind of captured the comic absurdity of living as a day-time agnostic, but still dabbling secretly in notions of living forever and life having meaning, and all that.
Things happening with a purpose, the grass is green.
Even when it actually isn’t, late at night, in the puny haze of a lone street light.
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EndaStories 
I believe strongly in having faith in everything – what I see, what I experience, people around me.Without faith, I would be a pessimist! #GlobalBlogging
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Got to believe in something, eh, Rosie. Thanks for commenting
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Interesting thoughts Enda. Touching lightly on the theories of Neitzche, although he wasn’t religious (he believed people where slaves to God) he also touched on Faith and that without it we have no meaning to life. I’ve always considered having faith being a lot more than just religion, in fact they can go hand in hand or flow in separate paths. But we all have to believe in something. Could it be that people’s lack of faith in anything better, religious or not, be the reason why the world is going to pot? As they say, the grass is always greener…somewhere else.
I love your line about being immortal until the day you die.
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Hi Anne, sure there has to be faith involved in getting out of bed in the morning! Like you say, we have to believe in something. And yes, again, you would have to see a correlation between the falling away of religious beliefs, or certainties, and the decline in standards, both public and political. The grass is always greener … except at night-time!!
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Great post, Enda. Reminded me of this quote from Douglas Powers: “The best arguments in the world won’t change a person’s mind. The only thing that can do that is a good story.”
And I believe the grass isn’t green unless it can reflect green light. If there is no green light to reflect, it’s black.
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I love catching up with your thoughts and always look forward to your latest post. You always manage to get me thinking (which is good thing)…… This one took me right back to university and a lecture on why the sea and sky look blue which turned very philosophical rather than science based very quickly. Many years ago. I choose to follow a Buddhist lifestyle and attempt to live and follow it. Maybe with that in mind, I am immortal until I die, and then come back immortal too? #gottahavefaith
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Very kind of you to say so Ian. Like Oasis sang, live forever … At least that’s the bit I remember 😁
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Oh the questions Enda, the questions! They would keep you awake at night if it wasn’t for the fact that you are so tired (like me!). I was only remarking to my husband yesterday that if I wasn’t so preoccupied with the machinations of everyday life and had more time to just sit back and consider the world around me, I would probably go insane! But then again these moments of consideration are what keep the cogs in our minds turning aren’t they? So we actually need them – well I do anyway! #abitofeverything
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Hi Tracey …it is funny the things that keep you awake at night. Well me anyway! Guess I don’t have any choice … it’s how I rock!!!!
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A kindred spirit. Is the grass really green… this made me grin. I love your different ways of thinking, logic, faith, fate? The contradictions of a true writer that will always think in a slightly skewered way to the every day folk 😉 Thanks for being part of the #DreamTeam Enda!
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Oh thank you Annette! I think I have always been part of the Dream Team!!! That’s my problem, hehe!
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Reality is shaped by perception, the grass is whatever color you believe it to be. Or something. Reminds me of the campfire conversations me and my buds used to have way back in the day. We never did figure out many answers. #dreamteam
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Yeah, probably not something to dwell on really, Jeremy!! Just the way my brain works!!! The sky is blue, the grass is green: accept it!!! Hehe
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Back from #ablogginggoodtime !
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I love the distintion between daytime and nighttime you. I guess the big question is do you find peace in yourself or do you hand it over to an external ‘being’ for comfort? The price will still be paid at the end of it all. #KCACOLS (too existential for me on a Sunday morning and only on my first coffee – had I read it later in the day, I’d probably have more to say!)
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Where to start with this, hey Enda? I had kinda gathered organised religion possibly wasn’t top of your priority list. I’m more of a fan but that’s a personal thing. I think I have a bigger problem with the notion of fate. I think we make our own lives, destinies, call it what you will. That kinda means fate is not a big part of life at all, surely? But that’s a blog post in its own right!
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Hi John … I’m not sure I believe much in fate … It’s more an illusion attached to certain events after the fact. But I’ll go with faith … as raison d’etre and all that!
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I don’t know if it’s faith, fate, or just the enjoyment of an immortal entity who uses us as his version of reality tv – that last bit has kept me up one more than once occasion! #GlobalBlogging
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I’d rather be the one watching than the one being watched!!!
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I’m not a big one for Faith, but it is definitely an interesting subject nevertheless! #KCACOLS
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I think it’s a heady mix of fate and faith – we gotta believe and hope in something else we would have nothing to look forward to! #itsok
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Yes, you have to believe in something … Even if it’s just family or friends!!!
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Pingback: #GlobalBlogging link up 116… | Shank You Very Much
Faith is an interesting concept. With the grass, it’s more a case that you have faith it will be green again, because your own eyes prove it’s not when in the dark. If you trust your eyes, of course. #wotw
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Mine eyes have been known to deceive me!!! … thanks Cheryl
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Really interesting read. I’m not big on faith myself but still find it really interesting #KCACOLS
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It’s my particular take on faith, Jade, I guess! Thank you
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Interesting reflections and so many questions! Faith is something that I find hard to keep hold of at times (and I do believe in God whilst also having moments of doubt) but its something that is personal to each of us. There are certainly more questions when it comes to life than answers! #WotW
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There certainly are Louise! Thanks for reading and commenting
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I think faith is a huge part of our everyday lives. At its most basic we have faith in everything that we cannot immediately experience with our senses. Will I get paid at the end of the week? I cannot know for sure that I will, but I have faith in that happening. In fact I could go further and question even my senses. For example I see the world differently with and without my glasses. I have faith that with glasses is what the world really looks like, but who really knows? It could boggles the mind if you went down that train of thought too far, great post though
#abitofeverything
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The mind can be boggled easily enough. At least mine can! And yes our senses can deceive us. But most of the time they don’t. And neither do our perceptions always let us down. Life is too short to mistrust everybody and everything. Just some of the bastards😁
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Back from #KCACOLS !
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I have a feeling I am going to find myself standing in my back garden in the dark looking at the grass later on tonight thanks to this post! I have faith, I am not sure what in as I am not religious but I do have faith in something out there, something more I can’t quite put my finger on. Great post. Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next time
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Hi Tracey … it’s defintely green, hehe. Thank you for your lovely comment
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Great take on faith Enda. I’m not a fan of organized religion. The only thing I have faith in is love, and the love of my family and friends in particular. When you actually sit and think about what life is all about? Well, its all a bit meaningless really, isn’t it? But it is good to hear that I am not the only one that has random thoughts! #KCACOLS
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Oh I’m a great man for the random thoughts alright, Jo!!! Maybe the Beatles were right … all you need is love!!
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A lovely take on faith. I think this is something to take away and have a think about xx #WOTW
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Thank you Susan
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