You go out of a morning … seeing but unseeing … forehead furrowed in heavy thought and pithy Twitter world pontification.
Bella and Lily with you as you zip your anorak to your throat and off you go, all three, carrying on into the drizzling wash of soft summer rain.
You wince up at the malicious dishwater sky above, which looks intent on squeezing out more of the same.
Damned rain and all these important things to think about …
Like how much money is there in the world anyway?
Like, actual money?
So caught up with things not actually here, you’re missing what’s right in front of you …
Once upon a time, there were gold bullion reserves nestling in bank vaults everywhere, covering every banknote on the planet.
And then came credit … Satan’s greatest and most plausible invention … bubbling and escalating up, up and away … sure where would we be without it?
Even big bombastic USA is a slave to it, and nearly every bloody country in the world, it seems … owing trillions and trillions, and trillions more.
To the Chinese … to who?
What if all these debts were all called in?
Who’d be left with cash at the table?
Is this moneyless money-go-round all one big Ponzi scheme? … dreamed up by the same quick-shot imaginations that conjured up vulture funds to buy debt and sell lives down a giant plughole of undeferred gratification …
And then your heart just says, ‘Ah here now, head, stop a minute … just shut it!’
What is carrying all that debt in your head going to achieve?
Let it go, you daft git …
So caught up with things not actually here, you’re missing what’s right in front of you …
Be here now, as Oasis would have it.
Look around.
Inhale that rainy pavement smell, flex your fingers in the damp rising heat of another day.
Feel those glistening raindrops coagulate and quiver in your palm.
Precious evanescent jewels of no return.
Hear the muted bird still calling out across the sodden sky … the distant swish of tyre on the ghostly main road.
So I’m standing here, now, a daffy smile pushing at the corners of my mouth, and crinkling my eyes, even as the rain piddles into them from my anorak bonnet.
June 22, my arse!
I must look so silly, I’m sure, with my big mountain man orange jacket, over my scruffy navy Adidas tracksuit bottoms, and scuffed sky blue trainers.
Bella thinks this going for a walk in the rain lark is a bit dumb anyway, as she strains her mighty few pounds of fluffy terrier might against her lead.
‘You’re kidding me,’ she’s saying, every fibre of her little being pulling us back towards the comfortable house.
Her shock of wet, grizzled grey fur, especially the punky bits standing up from her little part-chihuahua head, makes her look at once bedraggled and defiantly magnificent.
She’s eight now, and still full of pep and enthusiasm — when she wants.
Bella won’t be doing this forever, and maybe she’s pacing herself.
Not a shiver of cold, but a shiver of recognition. Recognising I was here, I was now, and I was alive. I was myself and I was me observing myself at the same time
Indeed I wonder at her vigour some days but imagine these days ending.
Looking at that fantastic little muppet-like head of hers, I’m comparing it to the largely black-haired pup’s head in those pictures of her we were looking at recently.
My own days of striding out, are numbered too.
I shiver in my wax-jacketed armour now, just like five-year-old me shivered in my too-big tweed coat on that front doorstep so many years ago.
Not a shiver of cold, but a shiver of recognition. Recognising I was here, I was now, and I was alive. I was myself and I was me observing myself at the same time.
It felt like a second birth for me, so I would come to feel.
Me the observer was born.
The bit of me that has observed me and the world ever since.
That bit of me comes out to gambol on these pages, and throw out a thought or observation or two …
Young Lily just wants to plough on now, her mighty short-arsed waddle pulling as hard as she can in the other direction.
So many fence posts and shrubs still to sniff and scour.
Rain or no rain
I love the way Lily goes at each new scent with such conviction, like an extrovert at a party, eager to meet the next fascinating guest, and move on just as quickly to the one after that.
I drag her from a drooling snail trail, and she bursts ahead, forgetting again she’s on the end of a leash, or at least refusing to feel bound by it, and she leads the way again, as if the enforced change in direction was all her idea.
The choreographer of her own moments.
I’m caught somewhere between these two … enjoying these dripping minutes, happy to continue, but just as happy to return with Bella to the cosy hearth …
More greying Bella than limber-limbed Lily, though.
But life in the old dog yet …
The boy from the doorstep is still present in me, just as black-haired Bella is still there inside her grizzled older self.
She just doesn’t have to pretend anything now, when she’s not feeling it.
The boy from the doorstep is still present in me, just as black-haired Bella is still there inside her grizzled older self
Maybe it’s a venerable age thing. No more faking it.
Knows who she is, knows what she wants.
Appreciating what she’s got.
No pining for what she’s lost.
Being here. Now.
How bad?
- Thanks for reading.
- Try another one
- Follow my blog, why don’t you!
EndaStories 
Stay dry. And keep on writing! Bye till next time.
Neil S.
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Will do, Thanks Neil
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I was right a few posts ago…you are a poet! Wonderful words.
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Hi Michele, Thank you
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I love this. It’s in my almost 12 year old (cocker spaniel) Kali as she waits for her lead every lunchtime, pretends that she’s tough (instead of a cocker spaniel) when she comes across another pooch and looks at the sky when it’s raining as if to say, ‘you can’t be serious? We’re not going out in this are we?’ Dogs are the best indicators of now.
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That’s a great line, Jo: ‘Dogs are the best indicators of now’! They sure are
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Hi Enda, walking my dog is the best part of my day. My mind wanders freely and I often write a whole article in my head and have to get it down on paper as soon as I get home. I really enjoyed your reflection on your dog walk as I can relate, regards Christina
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Yeah, they are great for getting you into the moment, Christina!
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Our deficit is through the roof now but I’m really starting to wonder if there actually is anybody that we borrow from or if its just a big hoax? There seems to be a theory about everything else nowadays maybe I’ll head down this rabbit hole and see what the Interwebs believes #KCACOLS
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You’re right, Jeremy, it is a bit of a rabbit hole. I think that’s what Bell and Lily are trying to tell me. Not that they’d be averse to disappearing down a real rabbit hole!
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I think everything you said about Bella in those last few sentences perfectly sum up my life right now. Nothing to prove/nothing to lose is my motto. I’m also grateful each day for a body that carries me for a walk and for a beautifu (safe) country to do it in. Life is pretty darn good in my small world and it helps me cope with the mess the bigger, wider world is in.
#MLSTL
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Hi Leanne. Such a lovely positive attitude you have!
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Hi Enda, it is so easy to let the troubles of the world into our minds isn’t it? We are surrounded by media on every level so sometimes it is difficult to escape. For me, I am very fortunate to live by the Ocean so each morning I wake, watch the sunrise over the ocean and be thankful for what I have in life. It is the little things isn’t it? Thanks for sharing you thoughts with us at #MLSTL and enjoy your weekend.
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It is the so-called little things that count for so much, Sue! Thanks for visiting and commenting
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I often wonder where the money is in the world, where do we borrow from, who do we pay it too?
I love how you have seen life through Bella and Lily and compared both being old and young. I know there is still a young person inside of me, it’s hard to accept that your body is getting old. But When you think of the time left you wonder if you have the energy to get through it. I think I’m with Bella though, no walks in the rain for me thank you very much.
#wotw
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We’ve all got our own pace in life and the older I get the more I appreciate that. I’m with Bella on this one, I’ll stay cosy indoors and wait for the next stretch of sunshine to appear! #wotw
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THat’s lovely but kind of sad too. #KCACOLS (I really loved this bit: I’m caught somewhere between these two … enjoying these dripping minutes, happy to continue, but just as happy to return with Bella to the cosy hearth …)
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I’m with Lily. I love that you interpret her actions, “or at least refusing to feel bound by it,”. I know the feeling. Go Lily. Although Bella does have a good point too. Enjoy both. #wotw
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Hi Cheryl … thye are both such individuals, and at such different stages. I enjoy them both so much
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I love how your writing takes us through so many various thoughts going through your head. If I start to think of things like how much money there is in the world, it makes my head start to spin. Much nicer to concentrate on the raindrops and the smell of the rain. I love the contrast between your two dogs – Lily being young and eager, and Bella happier to stay at home in comfort. I think I’d fall somewhere in the middle 🙂 #WotW
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Hi Louise. Lily and Bella do fascinate me. So different. The very notion that dogs aren’t individuals!
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I sometimes wish I had a dog to walk. I have a baby in a pram at the mo – and that’s enough!
Your words are wonderful by the way – so tuneful.
Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next time!
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Thank you so much, Emma. Ya just gotta love dogs!!!
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Annoyingly I’m an over-thinker and often have to tell myself to “shut up” to bring myself back to the now.
Can i just say, i agree with msomerville2014 – you are indeed a poet and i love reading your words.
Thanks for linking with #KCACOLS.
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Hi Alex. Very kind of you to say so.
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I have just started the couch to 5k. Age will not stop me. But my asthma and knee pain might! Our dog Ollie will be 15 this year and definitely still thinks he is a puppy, especially on walks or around the kids! Thanks ofr linking up with #dreamteam
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Go Ollie — and you, Laura!!
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