Lily the dog isn’t just cute and lovable, she is a miracle of the age.
Well, think about it … she really shouldn’t be here.
She and all canine creations should be extinct.
Gone with the Dodo and the pterodactyl.
She really is quite useless.
All dogs are.
They are absurd machines, with no notable advances in tens of thousands of years, and still without any practical application:
Unless you count digging up your new garden shrubs despite regular admonitions, or chewing through iPhone charger cables and shoe straps.
Lily can’t hunt, can’t cook, can’t work social media, doesn’t understand the Dow Jones index, Snapchat’s a no-no …
She’s easy on clothes, I’ll give you that … but she’s really just good for eating, drinking, crapping, peeing, sniffing, swivelling her ears 360 degrees like a periscope — and that’s about it, really.
I say she’s good for eating, but she’s not much cop at actually procuring said nosh: pass her a can opener and she’d just look at you …
Bewildered …well, uncomprehending at least.
I couldn’t imagine her surviving in the wild, flapping through the undergrowth like the big lummox she is to sneak up on her prey.
They’d be like Bug Bunny or Roadrunner, goading her and sniggering.
What’s up, Lily! Meep, meep!
Sure even flies mesmerise her, outwit her effortlessly and have her spinning her head round and around dopily, and birds only barely bother to avoid her, flapping just inches off the ground when she comes lunging after them.
Almost insulted by her ineptitude.
You come across stray cats and they might not be exactly well-fed looking or the cleanest, but they are still here.
They have survived for milleniums on nothing but guileless charm and our susceptibility to gormless amiability.
Lily just does cute, cheerful and adorable.
Brings joy to our household and uncomplicated love.
And that’ll do.
Not even a shower would improve her form or function.
And she’d hardly thank you for it!
PS: Thank you Bob Dylan for the title … sort of.
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My Word of the Week (#WofW) is Lily – simply because in a not so great week she spread consistent joy