Family Life Personal

You Can Make Your Own Mom And Dad, You Know!

Reframe how you see your parents, and you will be a happier bunny

So brain just told me anyway.

We’ll get to that, but I’ve got to ask you something first.

thinking capDoes your cerebrum do this to you: you’re there feeding the dishwater or loading the dog, and brain suddenly comes out with these weird aphorisms or propositions?

And you’re left scratching your head — and your hound —  with a spoon in your hand, going What!!!

Mind does this to me all the time: something  grabs my attention, which sparks an analogy that, naturally, veers off on a tangent, turns left at a digression, reverses up an aside, before spinning off on a premise, and finally alights at said aphorism or proposition.

Which then pops into my mental inbox.

That’s where I found, “You Can Make Your Own Mom and Dad, You Know!”

So now I’m wondering what it actually means.

Brain had been mulling over a terrific blog post by Addison, who lives way down yonder in Singapore, blogs as A Better Man, and recently started following my own blog.

How cool!

The post Are you born with emotions or do you learn them? is well worth the read.

I am intrigued by the Addison’s novel (to me) proposition that emotions are actually interpretations.

As Addison sees it, our various physical reactions to our surroundings are preprogrammed. Human bodies work roughly the same everywhere, he says,  “But how we interpret those reactions, which is essentially what “emotions” are, varies greatly from culture to culture”.

emotionsHe goes on to say that emotions aren’t purely physical. They are interpretations of the physical. And they can change.

He writes:

 “If we realize our emotions are essentially constructed by how we interpret and label what’s happening in our bodies, rather than fixed physical reactions, we can control them better. And that can make many aspects of life, from work to romantic relationships, markedly better ….

And later on, he notes:

“And learning new concepts and words for how you feel can, in a very real way, help you feel and respond differently. And that power, used thoughtfully, can help you lead a happier, more successful life.”

It’s like that surge of adrenalin, where your hands get all sweaty and you’re full of nervous energy. Interpret that as bad, and you might feel really anxious; look at it as exciting, and you might bound off and do stuff, put that energy to good use.

So, same physical response, but different interpretations, and a different world view.

So, reframe your interpretations of the world, take control of them, and you will be a happier bunny.

Now I’m not one to dwell on cosmic synchronicity — unlike brain —  but how else do you explain coming across this post soon after Addison’s, called Recalibrate The Universe from Yvette, of  Weave The Future Magical fame?

In it, Yvette writes about the notion of reframing experiences to, again, take some control of your world.

“So, if someone cuts you off in traffic, you are extra generous about letting the next driver in. If someone steals your wallet, you donate some money. I love this! In these situations, the tendency might be to do the same thing, to cut another driver off or to hold onto cash more tightly but instead…you do the opposite”

You recalibrate your universe.

Kind of another way of looking at what Addison said about the benefits of changing how you interpret the things that happen to you for the better.

You recalibrate your emotions, and your universe!

Now I’m sure I could recalibrate and still cut off that driver trying to cut in at the last second …

But what’s all this got to do with making your own parents, you ask?

Well, let me give an example.

I’m thinking of a bunch of siblings, right, and how they might see their parents, mom, dad or guardian — and indeed each other.

They all have the very same mom and dad, and they all see them in the same way.

OF COURSE THEY DON’T!

And they also constantly reinterpret and recalibrate how they see their parents as they, the offspring, grow from child to adult — if  mom and dad are around long enough for the cycle to be completed, of course.

That’s kind of what brain was saying about making our own parents.

Interpretations of them vary from sibling to sibling, and from moment to moment.

And these interpretations can be recalibrated. For good or ill.

We all know that sib whose mom and dad are just perfect, practically levitating with goodness and selflessness — maybe they should just keep taking those tablets, or let their counsellor unpack that locked away ambivalence, or even hatred for them  — or the one whose parents are blamed for every bad thing that every happened, and has yet to happen, in their lives.

Personal responsibility is thus denied, even the possibility that it takes two to tangle.

Now there are some deep wounds that cannot be undone, but the injured party will never find healing if they continue to pick at the scars.

Know they are there, but don’t let them disable you.

Recalibrate, reframe and move on.

Yes, there are certifiably deranged caretaker personages, and ones who just aren’t up to the job for all sorts of reasons, but the rest belong on a spectrum between wonderful and woeful — or maybe even both at the same time!!!

busy parents

Anyway, we’re talking interpretation.

And maybe repairing rifts, or just getting on better with our parents,  is a matter of recalibration.

Otherwise known as growing up.

Or wisdom.

Maybe brain will fill me in on all this later.

I’ll get back to you on it

  • Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed it, try another one! Follow my blog and you won’t miss out again.

My Word Of The Week for the #WOTW linky is “Recalibrate”.

Shank You Very Much
Shank You Very Much
My Random Musings
Word of the Week linky

 

23 comments on “You Can Make Your Own Mom And Dad, You Know!

  1. What about describing emotional reactions like recipes – a cup of anger with a tbsp of fear and a pinch of frustration?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ll take a coffee and fulmination, with a twist of regret to go please, Mary!!

    Like

  3. This is awesome synchronicity Enda! Thanks 🙏 so much for including me in your co-creation with the Universe! Much love 💕 xxx yvette

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Ooh very deep into the psychology of emotion. Hours of speculation but all good fun #DreamTeam

    Liked by 1 person

  5. So interesting to read this! and totally right – none of us see our parents in the same way. we have our own versions of them! #KCACOLS

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Karma is a thing. I love the concept of reframing the situation into a positive light. One of the things I notice about driving with Hubby is that when he hits a series of red lights – Sigh! I am always unlucky- but when he hits a series of gree lights it goes unnoticed. We take the positive for granted but hang on to the negative. That might be a concept for a blog post!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Oh this is pretty interesting and I’m glad you have said as it really does happen. Thank you for linking up with us for #kcacols and we hope to see you next time.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. i loved this post — a lot of food for thought in there that i will unpack over the next few days . . . but i’ve just started following Addison as well — thanks for the tip!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Psychology 101 Enda, for sure, I have degree in it so it always fascinates me. I’ll be sure to check out those posts you mentioned.
    I try to use the things I’ve learned on others but it doesn’t always work, Some just don’t have the right mindset to turn things around. In fact, I do one of the things you said with my husband, if he rants that someone has cut him up while driving I always tell him how generous he is to let someone in and that they’d probably been waiting for ages.
    I also have those weird thoughts pop into my head and think how I could expand on them and explain them. But my memory fails me before I get anything written down….what was that I was thinking while brushing my teeth this morning, it was genius I’m sure?

    Liked by 1 person

    • You are surely one wise and kind woman, Anne. You are of course right about people actually changing, or learning to reframe. If it was that easy every self-help book ever written would transform lives – and pretty soon there would be no market for them, as these gurus’ work on earth would be done! And your reframing of hubby’s driving reactions is brilliant! And yes, guaranteed that thought you had while brushing your teeth and forgot was sheer genius. Fact!👍😀

      Like

  10. Changing your mindset is enlightening. Makes moving through life a tad more manageable. #wotw

    Liked by 1 person

  11. This is so interesting! You have given me a lot to think about.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Tracey Carr

    Whenever an occurrence is seriously stressing me out these days (driving is a big one!) I tell myself to keep taking deep breaths and try to stay calm. The same goes for interactions with people. Walk away and take a deep breath. I don’t know if this is recalibrating my emotions, probably not but it is learning how to deal with them at least instead of immediately flying off the handle. The rest is going to take work I’m afraid but I will try! It’s definitely an interesting concept, no doubt about that! #KCACOLS

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think it’s always good to mentally count to at least five, Tracey!!! Maybe more. But it is amazing how someo one can indeed reframe a situation and take the sting out of it.

      Like

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