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Talking Roy Keane Till The Sacred Cows Come Home

Monday morning and you're trying to get back to sleep ...

A loud whoosh of wind is strong enough to wake you … your fingers fumble for your phone on the floor beside the bed  … 6.10am … up you get to turn on the immersion for your wife’s shower …, your dried-out eyes burned by the bright red light as you do …

Hello Monday morning … feck you Monday morning, we don’t have to get up for another hour …

And now the dull nether ache of a bursting need to pee, so you can’t dive back under the duvet just yet …  passing the mirror on the way to the bowl you grimace into it …  what’s left of your hair is standing up on your head and your grizzled beard … you look like Bella your dog, except your face is about ten times as long …

Blessed bed, here you come … then you remember your phone is almost out … it’s 6.15am … and you take it out to charge it in your home office … noting the red light on the immersion is on, you curse your daughter for having left it on, again, and you turn it off, and are about to lie down when you realise the immersion should be on …

“That’s what you got up to do 10 minutes ago, you tool!’

You are drifting into sleep when you start debating whether you should hop up and write some of this ramble down … after all you were certain only last night you could think of absolutely nothing to blog about …

Monday morning … 6.25am, or so  … you’re wrecked but surprisingly alert as you finally do lie down exhausted to get that bit more sleep …  and the wind is still gusting, and your cosied-up wife beside you asks if you’re all right, and you tell her you are … even as you consider the matter, and wonder how you can be simultaneously aching and restless and feel sound as a pound, … good form actually …

Through closed eyes, she asks if you heard the wind chimes in the trees out in the garden last night — yes, we forget to bring them in … 

“No, you did, obviously?’

‘I did  …’

”What chime was that at?’ … and she gives you a sleepy dig with her eyes still closed, but grinning, as she wraps a morning hot leg around you.

Another precious 40 minutes of sleep  left …

Indeed you are drifting into sleep when you start debating whether you should hop up and write some of this ramble down … after all you were certain only last night you could think of absolutely nothing to blog about …

You want to, but you’ve got a fairly busy day ahead … and your mental mind is really motoring now  … you’re humming John Prine and Iris DeMent singing Prine’s song In Spite of Ourselves — ‘Honey we’re the big door prize’,  as you look fondly across at your now gently exhaling wife … and then you recall last night’s spat …

Both of you — now Prine and DeMent — watching the second episode of a thing you recorded ages ago … Kiri, with Sarah Lancashire, an actress you’ve only come to appreciate since her amazing turn as a cop in Happy Valley … in this one she’s a seemingly fluffy social worker caught up in what becomes an abduction/murder thing as the little black foster girl she leaves with her natural grandparents for a visit,  is abducted and we discover, killed in a local woods.

Sarah Lancashire Kiri
The great Sarah Lancashire in Kiri

You really enjoyed the first episode as it established the lead characters, scene and back story … but last night’s episode had been kind of unsatisfactory … now it was all crime and plot twist, and characterisation seemed to be being sacrificed for that …

You were tired anyway, after working from home all evening, but unusually for you, you were nodding off towards the end and your wife got miffed because you asked a stupid question about a plot point  … usually it’s her who drifts off, but she does have that uncanny ability to still follow any plot …

So you’re both tetchy, and not admitting our argument is really to do with being tired …

You’re still carping away as you go upstairs for bed … and your wife suddenly lets out a peel of laughter …  you are undressing at your side of the bed, still in your cream and navy horizontal striped v-neck T-shirt, but your shorts come off … to reveal your boxers … turquoise and navy horizontal stripes that at once match your T-shirt and clash horribly with it … this you take in as you look down and realise you do look absolutely ridiculous 

So you’re both tetchy, and not admitting our argument is really to do with being tired …

You are in fits of laughing now,  in spite if ourselves, like Iris and John,  you who were nagging away at each other … you just love your wife’s humour … all crankiness is dissipated as you hit your pillows …

‘Night, honey … sleep well …

‘You too .. ’

So here you are now, still not asleep …  now thinking about Roy Keane, and the interview in yesterday’s Sunday Independent …

There it was splashed in the top-left corner on the front page, Roy Keane interview.

All you needed really, when it comes to Roy …

Even those columnists giving about his latest rant on Sky Sports, saying how fed up they are of him, don’t see the irony in him being the topic of their latest column …

This twinkly, cuddly Roy Keane is the same Roy Keane who would kill you on the field, and made seasoned internationals and superstars like David Beckham and Ryan Giggs quake

Roy Keane is just box office … mesmerising … fascinating … contradictory, intense … kind of arrogant, kind of humble … loves a good grudge … hates spoofers and pundits, but never seems to refuse an interview or punditry request … and hilarious … there he was on RTE television’s Comic Relief thing the other night, his familiar face caught in that weird too-big-too-near-the screen Zoom head way … and he stole the segment … with an aside about how he announced, in all seriousness, to his mates before the 1982 World Cup he was going to take his football seriously and would have to give up smoking … he was 11 … “I was 11 … when I gave them up!” he emphasised, his eyes twinkling at the comic absurdity of it …

roy-keane (2)
Roy Keane in football warrior mode …

This twinkly, cuddly Roy Keane is the same Roy Keane who would kill you on the field, and made seasoned internationals and superstars like David Beckham and Ryan Giggs quake, and still has Gary Neville squealing like a chastened schoolboy in his presence …  fulminating on Sky the other night and the papers all over Britain and here full of it … about him wanting to box goalkeeper David de Gea  for conceding a soft goal against Spurs …  and big Harry Maguire, slab-headed England star defender or not, would get the same …

roy as pundit (1)
Roy as pundit … still not impressed by Gary Neville

The same Roy Keane who appears on brilliant comedy programme The Young Offenders and allows the lead characters to tell him to fuck off  …. a riveting character is Roy, and you just wonder how can he be serious about wanting to be a manager when he can’t stop slagging players off … and you think with him anything is still possible …

You’re drifting, drifting off … a house alarm rings faintly, far away, for seconds … you catch the faint ching of the wind chimes, and you’re off on the burning  underfoot red-soiled plains of India, following a sashaying herd of sacred cows, their bells the tinkle of those wind chimes … and now their languid brown flanks are gleaming as you turn an Alpine mountain corner, their chimes tinkling as you pass giggling Heidi maidens and red-faced men with moustaches and wearing lederhosen even sillier than your turquoise and navy striped boxers ……

Sleep … sleep … off to sleep … and then the alarm finally goes off 

So you hop up and head for the little home office  to jot some of this nonsense down ….

Blog done.

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43 comments on “Talking Roy Keane Till The Sacred Cows Come Home

  1. That was brilliant. Made me laugh and, yes, Roy Keane, what can you say about the man?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m glad you got that all down, very enjoyable. Keane was and always will be a thug.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Isn’t it amazing what watching Sarah Lancaster does to you when trying to get to sleep? She obviously the bearer of some strange dreams. A friend of the Sandman, I’d say, only a little more vocal.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Michael Andrew Morris

    ‘planes’ of India, Enda? Tut tut!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Michael Andrew Morris

    Great piece, Enda. Xx

    Like

  6. Tom Lawlor

    Excellent Enda. He is indeed a great man. Mind you, I have to admit that when I’m in bed and my mind wanders off it’s usually to Britney Spears, Scarlett Johannson or Brooke Shields, but, you know, each to his own!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Ha! Perfect way to begin my morning, Enda. Everyone can identify with the desire for just a FEW minutes more sleep but our brains just won’t shut off. Random stuff keeps popping up and keeping us awake. Happens to me all the time. I sometimes compose whole blog posts in my head when I am trying to sleep!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Laurie, I have learned to enjoy my random brain … most of the time. I’ve been known to compose posts — and then utterly forget them!

      Like

  8. I don’t know Roy Keane but I do know people used to start smoking at about 7. And people didn’t think that was weird…can you imagine that now???? #MLSTL

    Liked by 1 person

    • 7! You must breed them tough where you live! … I must have been all of 14 when i started smoking properly, intermittently anyway!

      Like

  9. Hi Enda – so much to relate to here – it’s been very wet and blustery here for the last week and a couple of nights of very loud wind – waking me up several times a night and then my head thinking about all sorts of stuff – including the plot of the latest book I’m reading etc. I haven’t written anything down, but the mind is a strange and wonderous beast when it’s lying in bed contemplating the meaning of life.
    #MLSTL

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yeah, Leanne, it is amazing what the mind throws up .. I don’t know how much of it is useful, but it’s fun!

      Like

  10. I don’t know if it counts as “cross-cultural” or just “cross country” but I always learn something in your posts, and sometimes I want a vocab lesson, but it is all good. What is an immersion? A hot water tank i am guessing. I listened to the song. I keep a note pad on my night stand, which generally is just for lists, but sometimes I make a few reading notes before sleep or when I wake during the night. Thanks for the post and blessings, Michele

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yep, a hot water tank system … a fairly primitive system which Americans, in particular, find hilarious! Thank you Michelle

      Like

      • Lucky guess on my part. I did live in Spain for a challenging period of time in 1975 and that was different, though I don’t think the water tank had to be turned on. I stayed in retreat center in the boon docks in Pennsylvania that was run by a large generator full time. You had to go out to the Generator shed to turn the power off at night and turn it back on in the morning. Thanks Enda, Blessings, Michele (What do you prefer to be called)?

        Liked by 1 person

      • In fairness, it’s only a supplementary heating source chez nous, Michele. It kicks in quicker than the regular hot water system! I go by Enda!

        Liked by 1 person

  11. Nancy Andres

    You’re introducing me to new things Endardo (Ron Keane and The Offenders). Will check both out. Understand about Monday mornings and believe humor helps every situation. Visiting from #MLSTL and Thanks.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Thanks, Enda, for your comedic writing talent even when you didn’t get enough sleep. I had a good laugh reading this post.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Natalie. Glad you enjoyed it … ever since we’ve had kids — and they are both teens now — I don’t think I’ve every slept a full eight hours!!

      Like

  13. Hi Enda, once I’m awake that’s it. It doesn’t matter what time I just can’t get back to sleep as my mind just starts. I enjoyed Kiri and Sarah Lancaster which screened in Australia. Thanks for sharing your Monday morning with us at #MLSTL. Isn’t it a pain when you need to pee but it is too cold to get up! LOL:)

    Liked by 1 person

    • No matter how cold it is, Sue, that’s it I gotta go! Thought Kiri was very good but ending maybe a little too loose, and certain things left hanging … and also maybe caught between the didactic and the dramatic? At least opur minds can have a bit of fun in the small hours!

      Like

  14. oh my, seriously, an immersion boiler, what century do you live in Enda? I remember all the arguments over ours, switching it on, turning it off…using all the water! Besides that I can totally relate to your morning, although once I’m up out of bed it’s really not worth getting back in. Sometimes the debate lasts for an hour though. Some people can’t get sleep because of the words running around in their heads, but I often find mine arriving in the early hours, just a little too early which is frustrating. I’m trying to forget about the striped undies, but if it made your wife laugh then well done 🙂
    #wotw

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ah now, Anne, it’s actually only a secondary water heating system in our house … thing is it kicks in quicker than the main one of a morning … as for the striped undies, it was certainly hard for my missus to take mer seriously!

      Like

  15. I still hate Monday mornings even though we are still in no rush to get up. lol
    This post did make me chuckle.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Christie Hawkes

    Mesmerizing as always, Enda. How can the normal Monday morning ramblings be so much more entertaining coming from you? Thanks for making the effort to jot it all down and share it with us!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Christie … thanks so much for the kind words … I do think it was the fact I had a blog post to do that made it come together the way it did. Nothing like panic ….

      Like

  17. Ideas always pop up at the most inconvenient times! Screen brightness down and a quick hop onto notes to shorthand whatever I’m thinking about is my go to solution. I don’t mind so much during the week, but I just wish my brain would let me rest at the weekend. Ironically, I’m typing this on Saturday morning after waking up at 4.30am. Score! #wotw

    Like

    • I suppose we should just be glad they do pop up at all, Emma! My phone is my usual go to medium, or a quick dash to the computer if it’s nearby, and dash it down, stream of conscious style, and do the corrs later!

      Like

  18. Lol, the half-asleep early morning rambles our brains go on! The image of the clashing T-shirt and boxers made me chuckle and I can certainly relate to those late night spats when it’s really just both of you being tired and neither admitting to it. I often find I drift off to sleep moments before the alarm goes off too. #WotW

    Like

  19. Lucky you. I always come up with a humdigger of an opening line and then promptly forget it by the time I’m in front of the computer. #wotw

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Tracey Carr

    I love those moments where you feel that you just have to sit down and write what is coming into your head – I’ve passed them too many times and ended up regretting it. You were so right to get up that morning and sit down straight away to jot them all down, you got a great blog post out of it! I love the way you say that your argument with your wife that night was due to tiredness, we have a few of them these days. Having five month old twins will do that! At least if we can laugh about them then we know we are ok for another while longer!! #globalblogging

    Like

  21. loopyloulaura

    I am too knackered each night and still get woken up by my youngest for in-depth thoughts and rambling musings! Maybe one day I will let my brain relax instead of shut off in seconds zzzzz… Thanks for linking up with #globalblogging

    Like

  22. Pingback: Global Blogging Linkup #170 -

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